I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
