dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
