Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
