I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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