Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
