I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
