the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
