he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
