Dual....:-)
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
