I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
