I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
