I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
