y did u give ur computer a hand job?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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