yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
