I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
