hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
sarcasm needs its own font
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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