Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
