My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
