My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
