i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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