just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
