Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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