So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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