Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
