it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
