What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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