woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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