I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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