dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
