I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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