My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize