I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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