Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
