HIV tests are more positive than that guy
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize