"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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