if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
