i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
