Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
