youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
