Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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