If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
