also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize