Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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