This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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