I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
