well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
