last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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