my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the room spins SO much faster in panama
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
