just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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