she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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