peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
