so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize