KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
