She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
