He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
