3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
