i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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