Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
