so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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