Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
