Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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