But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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