i was born a porn star she said
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
