all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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