Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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