he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize