A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
