i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
