Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
