Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
