You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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