I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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