You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want her autograph on my taint
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
