Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
