Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
