I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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