probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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