I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
