I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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