I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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